Thank you for all your responses! I got a particularly well-considered one explaining the rationale for Answer #3 that I wanted to share with all of you, including the parts that are just nice things and not actually answers to the question:
“Hi! You don’t know me, but I love your comics. I quote “you can avoid offending all of the people some of the time / and you can avoid offending some of the people all of the time / so you should” all the time. You said we should email you the answers to these, and for once, I have some!
Question 1: It would make communication with my hacker friends harder if I lapsed into hollywood hackerspeak. Therefore, fake biz speak.
Question 2: I was originally going to say “hackerspeak” because I thought it would be cute to have a kitten trying to be a hacker. Like it’s cute to have a person trying to be a hacker. But then I was disturbed by the mental model of myself speaking bizspeak and my dependent minion speaking hackerspeak, and I thought, doesn’t that reinforce the trope that businesspeople are better leaders than computerpeople. So I picked bizspeak for my kitten too. Also then we can speak to each other more easily, so I don’t really know why I didn’t think of that first.”
It’s just… a really good email!