I'm not going to start a retractions page with some apologist garbage about how we all make mistakes. I can't really make a claim like that. I mean, I know you make mistakes, and I know I make mistakes, but when we are together, I can't even think about anyone else. Well, I love you, and I don't want you to ever change, so don't let's worry about your retraction page. Do let's worry about mine. This webpage has been up for several months now, and I've made my fair share of factual errors. This page will apologize for and correct them.

"Tuning the Doppler Effect": In this article, I claimed that my razor could go at warp 5. There are several razors with warp capacity, but none of those are my razor of choice. When I shave, I go for the simplest facial hair style: clean shaven. I prefer it to more complex styles like goatees and mutton chops. Consequently, when I shave, I shave with Occam's Razor.

What a great joke.

Complete lack of Love Actually references: Man, I used to make Love Actually references all the time, back in the glory days. As far as I can remember, I haven't made one since I wrote about how much I don't like Werner Heisenberg. That article wasn't that good. It was too personal. You see, I really do hate Werner Heisenberg. Still, that article had a reference, and the next bunch of articles did not. That's totally unacceptable, and I'm sorry.

"Sex, Lies, and the City": Technically, this article never happened, so I don't really need to retract anything from it. I'm going to anyway. Apparently, the phrase "and the City" in the title Sex and the City is not a total lie, and I'm man enough to admit I was wrong. Despite the seemingly constant talk about relationships and sex, the plot lines do have time to pay attention to New York City, so much so that I learned that Manhattan and Brooklyn are not just two names for the same place. Go figure.

"Retractions": I mentioned earlier in this article that I don't want you to ever change. That's not true. Change is a natural part of life, and I don't want to be in love with an unnatural freak. Remember that, ladies. I make no apologies for the fakeness of the image, though. You know very well I wasn't in the 1948 Presidential election, I don't see why I should waste my time on MS Paint trying to make it look good. Also, I did not doctor that image at all.

To me, you are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you until I send you back to the essence.