My feelings on the Confederacy

I don’t like the Confederacy. I’m all for a State’s Rights and seceding from a union, don’t misunderstand me. It’s just a guess, but I don’t think the Confederacy and I would get along. It’s not for lack of similarities, though. Personally, I would absolutely love it if Great Britain decided to back my cause with her powerful army and navy. I don’t have a cause as clearly defined as the Confederacy had, but with Her Majesty’s finest backing me, I’d be sure to find one. Money I make isn’t worth very much, so we both have that. We could team up with Milton Bradley and make a club or possibly a support group. Not having something you make appreciated can be terribly depressing.

Still, I don’t like the Confederacy. I have to ask myself, “Am I justified in disliking something that is so like me?” Perhaps the problem isn’t the Confederacy, the problem is with me. Like all questions that challenge my definition of myself, I like to set it aside without giving it the attention it deserves. I don’t like the Confederacy and it is the Confederacy that is to blame.

Like any dislike, it can be cultivated into a healthy hate with the right stimulus. The stimulus in my individual case takes the form of numerous Confederate flags strewn across our great nation. I see them on cars, in windows, even on flag posts. The fact that the bars and stars is not our national flag makes it more powerful. It can be out in the rain, touch the ground, and stand proudly at full mast on days of national tragedy when other flags are at half. It’s not fair. The Old Glory doesn’t stand much of a chance. I like to show my neighbors and all those that should approach my house that I am firmly against such nonsense by hanging the Confederate flag upside down in plain view. I invite everyone to do the same.

One might ask why I do not gain comfort by the fact that the Confederacy died at five and even though they had a healthy number of military victories, in the end it got completely dominated. This is a foolish thing to ask, because clearly if I brought it up in the title sentence of a paragraph, I have a reasonable answer for it. Don’t confuse me for some seventh grade English student that doesn’t know how to make a proper outline. I can’t say I learnt from the best, but I’m sure the guy I learned from is better than the guy from which you learned. Punk.

In conclusion, the Confederacy was a noble experiment, and like all things described as noble experiments, it was doomed to failure. I hate Scarlett O’Hara, and I hope that I always will. That guy that wrote the Gone with the Wind sequel where Rhett Butler and Scarlett get back together I hate for well over one reason. So, anyway, thanks, Confederacy, for popularizing the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “When Johnny Comes Marching Home”, those songs aren’t too bad. I wanted to say thanks for nothing, but like most of the characters in Love Actually, I’m compelled to tell the truth around Christmas time. I love you all very much.