If you were a young boy growing up in America today, you’d find it exceedingly difficult to find a positive role model. Politicians have always been squares, but with growing skepticism amongst the general public, they have been recast as crooked squares, geometric contradictions and generally poor role models. We look to athletes to lead our nation’s young, only to find them facing lawsuits and attacking fans. Also, actors are pretty dumb. No little kid looks up to Mel Gibson, especially the ones that have seen What Women Want, a horrible film. Truly, the situation is grim, and only by looking to the field of popular music do we see two bright stars shining with light bright and pure enough to help the boy of today grow into the moral, industrious, clever man of tomorrow. I give you…

Technically, Dizzee Rascal is British, but so was Paul Revere and he’s an American hero so I don’t see why that’s a problem. Every year, seven million kids that like musicals get beat up by other, cooler kids. That’s probably not true, because not that many kids like musicals. Whatever the number is, however, they all get beat up. Jay-Z and Dizzee Rascal show the young children that it is possible to be down with the thug life as well as Annie or South Pacific. Since “Hard Knock Life” and “Dream,” several kids that like musicals have reported no beatings at all, while others went ahead and beat up some kids that still liked Pokémon. Ludacris is coming out with a song about how hard it is to grow up that incorporates the Team Rocket intro to address this problem.