Those that often hang about me know that I am quite fond of saying that I am an internet celebrity. However, saying it is less like a proud affirmation of how famous I am and more like me trying to convince myself of something I want to be the case, but know, deep down, is not. It's like when people say "Mommy'll be back," or "I do." Or, at least, it used to be like that. Now it is totally true. I am a huge internet celebrity. This is evidenced by the fact that I recieved my first, second and third pieces of hate mail. Like an internet celebrity, I am now going to put the hate mail on my website. Here they are with no more ado:

Hate Mail 1

Subject: Hate Mail
From: Address withheld

I heard that Mikey was writing you hate mail.... and I thought it was a good idea, and that I'd write some too.

Well, that's all I have for now,

Bye.
Your overt loather,
Adam

Hate Mail 2

Subject: your webpage SUCKS
From: mykel@udel.edu

Raaaah, I'm writing hate mail so now I will switch to ALL CAPS. TAKE NOTICE OF MY CARFULLY PLACED MISPELLINGS THAT CREATE THE ILLUSION THAT I, UNAMED, AN AGNRY AND WROTE THIS WITH A CASCADE OF ANGER WROUGHT EMOTION

THERE IS OBVIUSLY NOT ENOUGH MULTI-CULTURE ETHNIC STUF ON YOUR STUUUPID WEBSITE. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER? AND YOU ACT LIKE YOU ARE SO SMART WITH YOU STUUUUPID CHEMISTRY PROBLEMS THAT MAKE NO SENSE. WHO WOULD EVEN NO WHAT THAT THE QUESTION AND EVEN ANSWERS MEAN? I MEAN SERIOUSLY, YOU PROBABYL DONT GIVE AWAY THEM BECUASE YOUR TO STUUUPID TO EVEN KNOW THEY MEAN NOTHING THAT MAKES SENSE TO NORMAL ACTUAL HUMAN BENIGN. YOU MSUT BE SOME SORT OF RETARD ALIEN THING FROM SPACE. WHOSE TO RETARDED TO REALIZE HES NOT SMART BUT THAT HES ACTUALY RETARDED. AND DONT SAY I DIDNT LOOK AT YOUR STUPID LINKS. I LOOKED AT TEH DOPPLER EFFECT ONE AND I REALIZED WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING UNLESS YOUR THE FLASH, BUT HEY RETARD NO ONE IS THE FLASH BECASUE DUH, HE DOESNT EXIST LIKE YOU. AND EVEN HE WOULDNT DO IT BECAUSE HE IS FAST AND PROBABLY WOULD SAY YOUR RETARDED. AND YOUR DRAWINGS LOOK LIKE 3 YEAR OLD CRAPPED ON YOUR COMIC NO BECASUE 3 YEAR OLDS CRAP BETTER SHIT THAN WHAT IVE SEEN ON YOUR PAGE. WHY DONT YOU TALK ABOUT REAL SHIT LIKE POLITCS OR SOMETHING MEANINGFUL THAT WILL ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING FOR THE WORLD INSTEAD OF FILLING IT WITH STUPID BULSHIT. YOU KNWO WHAT YOUR PROBABLY SOME WHINY PRICK WHO SITS AT HIS COMPUTER AND CANT EVEN HIT IT WITH A FAT CHICK BECAUSE NO FAT CHICK WILL DO IT WITH ARETARDED ALIEN PRICK SUCH AS YOUSELF. YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK YOU SHOULD CHANGE THE NAME OF YOUR PAGE TO "GAY WEBPAGE DE SOGAY" CUZ THATS WHAT YOU ARE AND YOUR PAGE ARE. ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO POLLUTE THIS EARTH AND NEED TO SHOVE THEMSELF OFF BUILDINGS SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID SHIT ANYMORE.

Hate Mail 3

Subject: HATE MAIL FROM YOUR ANTI-FAN
From: Address withheld

SANJAY KULKARNI YOU SON-OF-A-MOTHERLESS GOAT! JUST BECAUSE YOU GET HATE MAIL DOESN’T MEAN YOU ARE A CELEBRITY!!!! YOU ARE A SNOW JUGGLING FOOL!!!! Whew, sorry, I was holding the shift key the whole time there. OK NOW I HAVE CAPS LOCK ON!!!!! YOU’D BETTER WATCH OUT I CAN YELL WITH LARGE CAPITAL LETTERS AT YOU NOW MR. GRINCH!!!!

Love, Matt Jaskot

End of Hate Mail... for now.

So, in conclusion, I am a huge internet celebrity, and I encourage you to write me hate mail.