While belief in a higher being is not universal, only the most hardened heart would deny that the quest for God is a recurring theme in the story of mankind. When asked to explain this phenomenon, many theists state that as God’s creations, we are accustomed to His presence, and when we find ourselves outside of it, we feel profoundly lacking. This lacking forms a “God-shaped hole” in us, a phrase attributed to “Bishop Spork” by an unreliable source. All religions are, in this view, attempts to fill the hole.

It would seem then, if everyone has these holes in them, that everyone should be religious. Not so, comes the defense. The hole merely creates the desperation, how each individual attempts to fill it is his own decision. For example, some eat, some gather money, some engage in sport, and some drink to excess. Theists maintain that these efforts are in vain, because only God can fill a God-shaped hole. Eating can’t fill it, money can’t fill it and certainly sport can’t fill it. How little do we remember of elementary school science and phases of matter, however. Alcohol is a liquid, and liquids take the shape of their container. Duh.

Some might protest that alcohol can’t fill a God-shaped hole because God is infinitely large, because being large is a great-making quality, I guess. Firstly, that's why you drink TO EXCESS. Secondly, if that’s really so much of a problem, smoke instead. I shouldn't have to explain why that would work.

Several have raised objections to this animation, largely because technically it should say concrete and not cement. Cement has fewer letters and I am more confident spelling it. Lay off.