Well, obviously, kids are great. Better than blogs, even. As Jurassic Park should have showed us, velociraptors can easily defeat them in hand to hand combat, but we can’t hold that against kids, and we can hold that against Jurassic Park. One of the kids was ok, but if they ate the girl, I wouldn’t have cared. So, clearly, kids are really wonderful. They provide you smiles, computer help, and, if you are lucky, a little gratitude for giving them life. Everyone should have kids, except for people in China who have already met their quota and colorblind females. Every son gets it? That’s not worth the hassle. Be fair to the next generation and adopt. Same goes to you, Madame Hemophiliac.

Anyway, kids are stupendous, but I want to clear something up right now.

You are not worth “it” too. Kids take a lot of money and give you a lot of hassle. Even if the antecedent were the price of a bottle of L’Oreal Kids, I’m not positive they’d be worth that. Once you wash their hair, they are going to keep coming for more. If you give a mouse a cookie, it will eventually mean you need to get another cookie. Big deal. Cookies are cheap. If you give a kid a bath, you have to find the money for a college fund. Don’t count on your kid getting any scholarships. Your kid is dumb.