Of all the reasons a person might have to play Spin the Bottle, here are the three most popular:

1. A general desire to make out
2. A desire to make out with a specific person, but the willingness to make out with other people to do it
3. A feeling of disdain for humanity because humanity gave you mono

The motivations for playing are vastly different, and yet Spin the Bottle manages to meet the needs of all its players. Truly, it is a well crafted game. However, the time of Spin the Bottle is over, for I have crafted a vastly superior game. Whatever your motivation for playing Spin the Bottle, this game will serve you better.

Spin the Sphere is exactly like Spin the Bottle, except instead of using a bottle, you use a sphere. It needn’t be a perfect sphere. Any ballish object will do. The game play is the same. You spin the sphere, and make out with anyone at which the sphere is pointing.

But a sphere is composed of an infinite number of points pointing in every direction!

Exactly. Here’s how a typical game works. You spin the sphere; everyone makes out with everyone. Repeat. The problem with a bottle is that a bottle only has one relevant point. Therefore, when the bottle pointed in an awkward direction, like at the spinner or between two people, the game got inconvenient. With Spin the Sphere, all that awkwardness is replaced by making out.

Is Spin the Sphere really better for everyone than Spin the Bottle?

Everyone that has a sphere, yes! Let’s investigate why a person might play Spin the Bottle, and then see why those people would be better off playing Spin the Sphere:

1. A general desire to make out

This reason covers a variety of player profiles. Perhaps the player is a teeny bopper that wants to practice making out before he or she has to do it when it is important. Perhaps the player just really likes making out. Either way, Spin the Sphere provides more opportunities to practice and more opportunities to enjoy making out. This is because with infinite points to one, Spin the Sphere has much faster game play than Spin the Bottle

2. A desire to make out with a specific person, but the willingness to make out with other people to do it

We all have crushes, and many of us don’t have the courage to act on them. Some with this problem use Spin the Bottle as an excuse to make out with the object of their affections. They might just want to imagine what it would be like with that person, or they might want to wow their crush with their awesome make out skills. The success of either plan, when playing Spin the Bottle, depends on luck. If the bottle doesn’t spin right, you might spend the entire game making out with other people. Spin the Bottle shouldn’t be about taking risks. It should be about avoiding them. With Spin the Sphere, you are going to make out with the person you want to make out with.

3. A feeling of disdain for humanity because humanity gave you mono

If you are infected with infectious mononucleosis, you might not have gotten the disease by kissing. But if you have mono, you got it from people. Justifiably, you want your revenge. But figuring out specifically who gave you mono is difficult, and it is easier to exact your revenge on people in general. Spin the Bottle is an excellent way to get revenge. With one spin of the bottle you get one turn of vengeance. However, the reliability of Spin the Bottle is nothing compared to the ruthless efficiency of Spin the Sphere. With one spin of the sphere and everyone playing has the kissing disease. It doesn’t even have to be your spin. This is because, as previously stated, every spin results in a wild make out party.

There is simply no situation that calls for Spin the Bottle that does not more strongly call for Spin the Sphere. This brings me to my italicized comment to which I am going to respond:

Is Spin the Sphere for everyone?

Heck no! Spin the Sphere, like Spin the Bottle, is only for hormone crazed preteens and perhaps the profoundly inebriated. However, if a person is playing Spin the Bottle, and simply stopping isn’t an option, the person should instead get a sphere and vastly improve the gaming experience.

I'll send you back to the essence.