I 2 Sweenster.com

Greg Sweeney and Anna Paquin stop to pose after each winning an Academy Award.

Why is Michael Moore so upset? Apparently Pat Ruff’s The Deal shattered Fahrenheit 9/11’s record for highest grossing documentary of all time.

Halloween? Looks more like HallowSWEEN!

Sweenster.com promotes the arts:

Numerous now hit bands got their start on Sweenster.com. Then fledgling artists that are now household names than have been featured include Herman’s Hermits, The Turtles, Styx, AC/DC and whoever wrote the Odd Couple theme. After being featured in Matt Sweeney’s hit movies, all these artists had their records go platinum and they all won American Idol. Perhaps “one is the loneliest number,” but with Sweenster.com, young, aspiring musicians are not alone.

Advertising on Sweenster.com? A wise decision.

Even a creative mastermind like Matt Sweeney has to make ends meet. Therefore, over the years, Sweenster.com has included tasteful and subtle product placement in their movies. True, these advertisements have given Mr. Sweeney a modest fortune, but this sum is vastly overshadowed by the profit it has given to the companies that have decided to advertise with his website. After The Truck, for instance, demand for gasoline at Exxon stations grew so high that the company raised oil prices to two dollars a gallon just for the fun of it. Darko Lawless 2 doubled the quarterly profit margin according to Alfonso Cuarón, senior vice president in charge of marketing for Starbucks. The most successful advertising, however, was no doubt employed in Pat Ruff’s classic The Deal. Not only did Dominoes Pizza report “Since the success of The Deal got us out of debt, we can finally stop promoting those embarrassing ‘Dominoes Dots’!”, but local crack cocaine dealer Rupert Grint reported a significant increase in sales following the release of the movie. “At last, cocaine is cool again,” Grint noted.

Upon hearing of the large commercial success of Sweenster.com, some fans have accused the creators of “selling out.” However, most experts dismiss these accusations as unfounded. “[Mr. Sweeney] has used the profits made from his website to deliver an improved product to audiences everywhere. He should be applauded,” states Mark Hoppus, who, like Mr. Sweeney, has a cool last name.

Due to the demand for further advertisements, Mr. Sweeney kindly requests that all offers be presented written on $100 bills.

Visiting Sweenster.com.

Unfortunately, due to a request from Matt Sweeney, I am unable to give out the URL of Sweenster.com. Mr. Sweeney is concerned about something to do with bandwidth! I don’t know what that means, but he does, because he is very tech-savvy like that.

I'll send you back to the essence